Recently, three weeks ago, my boyfriend broke up with me, making me realize a lot of things I fail to see in the past. Making me see a lot of things I don't morally wrong in the past, making me see how much of an asshole I was and how much I deserved this break up.
And so for the upcoming days, and months, this is going to be the blog I am going to use to grief through and make decisions on how I am going to move on.
The chances of this blog going anywhere is slim. This is pretty much a blog for me myself and I as I progress through life. The next page of me, which is the url of the page is created off of a song that's been stuck in my head since the beginning of this week ish. And it truly expresses part of how I am feeling.
It's based off of this song called 下一頁的我 or The Next Page of Me (see the reference?), the song is by 王心凌Cyndi Wang, with the lyrics below.
收錄專輯：黏黏黏黏(2011-05)演出者：王心凌詞/易家揚 曲/水野良樹就要出發 是嗎 這問題困擾著我是個可能吧 或許想太多 有的夢不去做好可惜我害怕嗎 有點 孤單很痛的對不對我得放下 翻開這一頁 沒時間想過去
心中會怕才問自己 那些曾經的話語謝謝是你讓我有天空和明天 學會獨立站在未知的泥土裡 看我勇敢的深呼吸黑的夜 我不怕 天空很大 像在說 不能哭
下一頁的我 會去哪裡 用多大的勇氣所有夢裡面的風雨 我不怕那是我的試題下一頁的我 希望能擁有 美麗的明天所以這次我送走從前 因為我 看的見
擔心什麼 去吧 愛讓人哭真對不起之前的回憶 握在掌心裡 它讓我 再苦也肯努力耳邊的風 吹吧 讓我聽見新消息在旅途上 愛是氧氣 讓我越來越肯定
心中會怕才問自己 那些曾經的話語謝謝是你讓我有天空和明天 學會獨立站在未知的泥土裡 看我勇敢的深呼吸黑的夜 我不怕 天空很大 像在說 不能哭
下一頁的我 會去哪裡 用多大的勇氣所有夢裡面的風雨 我不怕那是我的試題下一頁的我 希望能擁有 美麗的明天所以這次我送走從前 因為我 看的見
寓言藏在我心中 相信它吧 往前衝我的路 我就一定讓它走成幸福那些作了的夢忘了嗎 那些萬分之一的也許不用說 我還是我 約定怎樣寂寞也不能哭看吧 下大雨也不認輸 請讓我 學長大
下一頁的我 會去哪裡 用多大的勇氣所有夢裡面的風雨 我不怕那是我的試題下一頁的我 希望能擁有 美麗的明天所以這次我送走從前 因為我 看的見所有夢裡面的風雨 我不怕那是我的試題下一頁的我 希望能擁有 美麗的明天所以這次我送走從前 因為我 看的見
Pinyin Lyrics
jiù yào chū fā shì mǎ zhè wèn tí kùn rǎo zhù wǒ
shì gè kě néng ba huò xū xiǎng tài duō
yǒu de mèng bù qù zuò hǎo kě xī
wǒ hài pà mǎ yǒu diǎn gū shàn hěn tòng de duì bù duì
wǒ dé fàng xià fān kāi zhè yī yè méi shí jiān xiǎng guò qù
xīn zhōng huì pà cái wèn zì jǐ nà xiē céng jīng de huà yǔ
xiè xiè shì nǐ ràng wǒ yǒu tiān kōng hé míng tiān xué huì dú lì
zhàn zài wèi zhī de ní tǔ lǐ kàn wǒ yǒng gǎn de shēn hū xī
hēi de yè wǒ bù pà tiān kōng hěn dà xiàng zài shuì bù néng kū
xià yī yè de wǒ huì qù nǎ lǐ yòng duō dà de yǒng qì
suǒ yǒu mèng lǐ miàn de fēng yǔ wǒ bù pà nà shì wǒ de shì tí
xià yī yè de wǒ xī wàng néng yōng yǒu měi lì de míng tiān
suǒ yǐ zhè cì wǒ sòng zǒu cóng qián yīn wéi wǒ kàn de jiàn
dān xīn shén mó qù ba ài ràng rén kū zhēn duì bù qǐ
zhī qián de huí yì wò zài zhǎng xīn lǐ
tā ràng wǒ zài kǔ yě kěn nǔ lì
ěr biān de fēng chuī ba ràng wǒ tīng jiàn xīn xiāo xī
zài lǚ tú shàng ài shì yǎng qì ràng wǒ yuè lái yuè kěn dìng
xīn zhōng huì pà cái wèn zì jǐ nà xiē céng jīng de huà yǔ
xiè xiè shì nǐ ràng wǒ yǒu tiān kōng hé míng tiān xué huì dú lì
zhàn zài wèi zhī de ní tǔ lǐ kàn wǒ yǒng gǎn de shēn hū xī
hēi de yè wǒ bù pà tiān kōng hěn dà xiàng zài shuì bù néng kū
xià yī yè de wǒ huì qù nǎ lǐ yòng duō dà de yǒng qì
suǒ yǒu mèng lǐ miàn de fēng yǔ wǒ bù pà nà shì wǒ de shì tí
xià yī yè de wǒ xī wàng néng yōng yǒu měi lì de míng tiān
suǒ yǐ zhè cì wǒ sòng zǒu cóng qián yīn wéi wǒ kàn de jiàn
yù yán zàng zài wǒ xīn zhōng xiāng xìn tā ba wǎng qián chōng
wǒ de lù wǒ jiù yī dìng ràng tā zǒu chéng xìng fú
nà xiē zuò le de mèng wàng le mǎ nà xiē wàn fēn zhī yī de yě xū
bù yòng shuì wǒ huán shì wǒ yuē dìng zěn yàng jì mò yě bù néng kū
kàn ba xià dà yǔ yě bù rèn shū qǐng ràng wǒ xué cháng dà
xià yī yè de wǒ huì qù nǎ lǐ yòng duō dà de yǒng qì
suǒ yǒu mèng lǐ miàn de fēng yǔ wǒ bù pà nà shì wǒ de shì tí
xià yī yè de wǒ xī wàng néng yōng yǒu měi lì de míng tiān
suǒ yǐ zhè cì wǒ sòng zǒu cóng qián yīn wéi wǒ kàn de jiàn
suǒ yǒu mèng lǐ miàn de fēng yǔ wǒ bù pà nà shì wǒ de shì tí
xià yī yè de wǒ xī wàng néng yōng yǒu měi lì de míng tiān
suǒ yǐ zhè cì wǒ sòng zǒu cóng qián yīn wéi wǒ kàn de jiàn
English Translation Lyrics
Are you going to start bothering me on this issue?
Perhaps it is possible to think too much
Unfortunately, some dreams do not go well
I'm afraid you are a little lonely and sorrowful right?
I have set aside opening this page and no time to think of the past
My feelings will be afraid if I asked myself those words
Thank you for giving me the sky and tomorrow to learn how to stand alone
Standing on an unknown ground you take a deep breath and bravely watch me
I'm not afraid of the very huge dark night sky like saying I cannot cry
Where will the next page of me go? How much courage should I have?
All the trials and hardships within the dreams I'm indeed not afraid of my test
The next page of me hopes to have a beautiful tomorrow
So this time I'll leave the past because I look to come into sight
What do you worry? Go, ok? Love makes a person cry I'm really sorry
My heart holds the memories of the past
Allow me no matter how tough it is I'm willing to work hard
Wind blowing in my ears let me hear the news
In this journey, I observed that love is oxygen that made me more and more certain
My feelings will be afraid if I asked myself those words
Thank you for giving me the sky and tomorrow to learn how to stand alone
Standing on an unknown ground you take a deep breath and bravely watch me
I'm not afraid of the very huge dark night sky like saying I cannot cry
Where will the next page of me go? How much courage should I have?
All the trials and hardships within the dreams I'm indeed not afraid of my test
The next page of me hopes to have a beautiful tomorrow
So this time I'll leave the past because I look to come into sight
The allegory hidden in my feelings believes in moving ahead
My way, I'll surely let it go towards happiness
Forget those who gave up the dream that perhaps one ten thousandth
No need to speak, I'm still me, arranging on how to not cry even if lonely
Look, the heavy rain is also not conceding
Please let me learn how to grow
Read more: http://beautifulsonglyrics.blogspot.com/2012/06/cyndi-wang-xia-yi-ye-de-wo-lyrics.html#ixzz3f2pT19s6
Okay, actually it sounds better in Mandarin than English. Pretty much perhaps it doesn't relate much to what I am feeling but it's just a sad song okay.
I don't know where I heard the saying but it related to this song in Mandarin, pretty much the saying is saying that it's not the end of the story, it's only the end of one chapter, and the beginning of another chapter, and that it's not the end, but only a new beginning. And I really do like the sound of that over anything else.
So I want to lead that idea to something else, I want to start a new chapter, I don't want to look back, turn around and go back to my other old flings, to my old exes before him, but continue for one goal, to be a better self and a better companion for him, the person who broke up with me because I hurt him too much, because I made him lose the feeling of love he once had for me, because of my selfishness. I want to get him back no matter how long that'd take, I want to chase him this time and earn his love. Let's call him Pablo (it's a nickname he gave himself, so maybe one day he comes upon it would know I am talking about him), because I am not going to reveal any real name on any of the blogs.
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