Things to do/work on before school starts:
1. Temper/Patience
2. Anger management
3. Emotional Control
4. Hormone Control
5. Sarcasm/Passive Aggressive
6. Appreciation
7. Step in other’s shoes
9. Being in denial
10. Stop playing the victim
11. Relationship Commitments/Commitments in general
12. Reassurance
13. Be considerate of others/Selfishness
14. Fix family problem
15. Clean your room
16. Filter what you say/Think before talking
17. Fix friendships
18. Do you
19. Don’t over think things/Stay positive
Priorities:
- Do you
- Filter what you say/Think before talking
- Step in other’s shoes
- Anger management
- Emotional Control
- Temper/Patience
- Sarcasm/Passive Aggressive
- Appreciation
- Being in denial
- Be considerate of others/Selfishness
- Clean your room
- Fix family problem
- Fix friendships
- Stop playing the victim
- Don’t over think things/Stay positive
- Relationship Commitments/Commitments in general
- Reassurance
- How can I be missing one?
Anyways, the above will be things I will be working on now that I am single. It's really not like I am going anywhere anyways. I always, I always let my emotion get the best of me, even this morning when I woke up emotional and all, I ended up sending the stupidest text ever to my ex. What was I trying to get out of it? I have no idea. Sometimes I just really want to slap myself and ask what the hell I am doing.
He freaking doesn't want anything to do with me and I am here trying to stick my nose into his ass like a obsessed ex girlfriend I am, and the worst part is once the emotional self of me wore off I don't even know what the fuck I was doing when I first did it.
It was filled with meaning, filled with tears, but afterwards I am all like what the hell just happened. This happens when we were in a relationship too, when I was with my ex. I let the emotion get the best and worst of me, and end up sending messages I don't end up meaning, say things I later regret. Thinking that I am better now, I am no where better than I was before. No wonder he didn't want anything to do with me, thinking that things will go back to the way it was before. This is all too freaking insane.
I haven't even checked my messages, I feel like if I do, I am just going to regret it very much because his response can't be anymore freaking warm than it was before. And I really don't need unnecessary coldness more than I have already, I don't even know what the hell I am doing and how I am going to do what I was thinking of doing tomorrow.
Whatever time to face the hell I leashed out.
4:47pm ^
=========
And yup, as it turns out his message reply is cold as hell. As expected from a break up master who wants to keep himself away.
Hey, I know this is weird, but don't worry about me going to the pixel movie day. I won't be showing up, I have a test so it's not the best idea for me to go anyways.
But I wasn't worried....
Did I do something that makes it seem that way? Iono whatever happens happens, I guess it's not weird for you to text that. This morning waking up, I wanted to text you, text you and tell you how terrified I am. Scared of going for the follow up, scared what the doctor will say. Sad that while others have their support, someone to hold their hands into the clinic, or someone they'd be able to share the sad news to and weep on and I'll be walking and facing it all alone, pretending to smile like I'm okay and force myself not to break down, and smile when they ask again am I sure I don't have any emergency contact. How alone and terrifying it is, and all I can do is cry at the corner of my bed right now. Nightmares after nightmares, drama after drama. I want to be strong, but it's all too much. How dumb is it to say I really miss the dumb wall for being there to listen to my problems, keep telling me it's safe to share, and patiently listened and simply just to be there when I was truly in need of someone then. The only person I'd ever truly trust that much, make me feel safe to share things I keep the deepest to myself that I can barely even face, now I don't even know if I have the privilege in talking to him or if he's willing to listen, or would it just make him hate me for budgeting into his life again. I don't know, to think I have faced so much things alone, that I'd be okay this time around. But I'm not. It may sound really dumb but Alfonso, I'm really scared. I don't want to go. I can't.....
Just go, you'll be okay. Listen to the doctor and take care of yourself. Other than that tell me how much the bill was and I'll spot you half of it
=====
as expected from you alf, always overdone yourself.
good luck on your test on friday.
and I am sorry I am finally releasing your name out into the public, but with the look of things, and how nobody reads this blog anyways, the chances of anyone seeing this, or even you finding this will be rare.
Whatever time to face the hell I leashed out.
4:47pm ^
=========
And yup, as it turns out his message reply is cold as hell. As expected from a break up master who wants to keep himself away.
Hey, I know this is weird, but don't worry about me going to the pixel movie day. I won't be showing up, I have a test so it's not the best idea for me to go anyways.
But I wasn't worried....
Did I do something that makes it seem that way? Iono whatever happens happens, I guess it's not weird for you to text that. This morning waking up, I wanted to text you, text you and tell you how terrified I am. Scared of going for the follow up, scared what the doctor will say. Sad that while others have their support, someone to hold their hands into the clinic, or someone they'd be able to share the sad news to and weep on and I'll be walking and facing it all alone, pretending to smile like I'm okay and force myself not to break down, and smile when they ask again am I sure I don't have any emergency contact. How alone and terrifying it is, and all I can do is cry at the corner of my bed right now. Nightmares after nightmares, drama after drama. I want to be strong, but it's all too much. How dumb is it to say I really miss the dumb wall for being there to listen to my problems, keep telling me it's safe to share, and patiently listened and simply just to be there when I was truly in need of someone then. The only person I'd ever truly trust that much, make me feel safe to share things I keep the deepest to myself that I can barely even face, now I don't even know if I have the privilege in talking to him or if he's willing to listen, or would it just make him hate me for budgeting into his life again. I don't know, to think I have faced so much things alone, that I'd be okay this time around. But I'm not. It may sound really dumb but Alfonso, I'm really scared. I don't want to go. I can't.....
Just go, you'll be okay. Listen to the doctor and take care of yourself. Other than that tell me how much the bill was and I'll spot you half of it
=====
as expected from you alf, always overdone yourself.
good luck on your test on friday.
and I am sorry I am finally releasing your name out into the public, but with the look of things, and how nobody reads this blog anyways, the chances of anyone seeing this, or even you finding this will be rare.
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